It’s mid-January, and perhaps there is genuine momentum around change from the new year being rung in so recently, as there can be for some. But often the desire for change heralded by the new year comes from outside influences that fuel a keenly felt pressure to suddenly bring improvement to longstanding issues in yourself and your life.

Grief often amplifies within our systems during the holiday season. From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, grief is not a problem to solve—it is made up of many parts that carry love, loss, and longing. The following prompts gently invite you to meet your grieving parts with compassion and curiosity over the holiday season.

Practices of gratitude are mentioned often in the world of mental health, and for good reason. Intentionally identifying something you’re thankful for can encourage both slowing down in the midst of our frantically busy days and a shift in attention in helpful ways.

What are you noticing within your system as we approach the holiday season? Perhaps there is some anticipation of extended time and space to more intentionally relax and connect with loved ones. There may also be some trepidation about what those relational dynamics may look and feel like. Grief in its many forms can manifest as well. Whatever you notice, before, during and after the season, know that all of it is welcome. You do not have to feel a certain way around the holidays, even though there may be expectations (familial and societal) to do so. You have a choice.

For a “holiday” that emphasizes giving and receiving love, I have found that grief of some kind is often residing in the shadows on and around Valentine’s Day. It is hard not to notice the reams of candy and cards that populate the aisles wherever we go. Sure, there is room joy on this day to celebrate the love we have in and around us. And, I think there should also be room for grief.

Perhaps you’ve arrived at the start of this New Year full of expectancy and hope. Or, perhaps you look out on the year ahead with a sense of heaviness in your heart and mind. Maybe, though, you have a constellation of many parts showing up within you. To get a sense of what is going on within your internal system, I invite you to take a moment and breathe…