Unburdening: Healing Trauma Through IFS
written by David McCallum
originally published September 30, 2024
Photo by Fons Heijnsbroek on Unsplash
Trauma can be understood as a relational violation – or, put another way, a violation of connection (Frank Anderson). Seen through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), trauma creates a chasm between our Core Self and parts of our psyche. These parts come into being at the origin of a relational violation/violation of connection. Many of them are protective and try to mitigate - in proactive and reactive ways - the pain that is held by deeper exiled parts in our systems. In this sense, parts can be viewed as adaptive vs. defective and bad. Such a non-stigmatizing approach can help parts soften (i.e. turn down in intensity) and release the burdens (e.g. shamefulness) that they carry as a result of trauma.
It is important to understand that parts are wounded in relationship with the outside world, but they also heal in relationship through internal connection with the Core Self – or simply, Self. IFS is a relational model of therapy. When addressing trauma of all types through an IFS lens, it is crucial to ask parts, “What happened to you?” Such a question, when borne out of compassion and curiosity, fosters connection and deepens trust between the Self and parts. Building a relationship with the Self is a process, and the healing that parts experience occurs in layers (i.e. not “one and done”). As trauma energy is released layer by layer by parts, freedom amplifies within the system. Parts then get to choose what they want to do vs. feeling like they must do something to ensure survival. This is the transformative power of Self energy.
The Self is the space deep within us that cannot be touched by trauma and grief. It emits a kind of energy that possesses qualities of compassion, curiosity, courage, confidence, clarity, calm, connectedness, and creativity. Perhaps you’ve experienced moments when you’ve noticed some of these qualities arise within your system. Can you recall what was happening both externally (horizontally) and internally (vertically) for you? There was likely some sort of meaningful connection happening with your Self, which communicated a sense of safety to your parts and permitted them to soften.
As you progress throughout your healing journey, I will hold onto the hope that your own parts will grow in relationship with your Self and experience all the freedom that they so deserve.
For more information, check out…
