Sometimes we may think we understand things. But that is the operative word: think. We can read all the books and articles and listen to podcasts and lectures and attend workshops and trainings, but it will still fall short of lived experience. This is the case with grief. Until you have actually experienced a loss, you likely will not fully understand the holistic impact that grief can have on one’s life. 

We all have different understandings of what “fun” means to us. One person may find meaning and enjoyment in a certain hobby or interest, while another may prefer something else entirely. Sometimes we develop new passions for things as we grow along our respective journeys, or we may just stick to what we know. Either way, these things that we consider fun seem to ignite something deeper within our core.

Some of the hallmarks of grief are a sense of chaos, messiness and confusion. It can feel like we are spinning adrift in a sea of painful thoughts and emotions with no discernible signs of rescue. All of them remind us of the loss we have sustained, and their constant chorus is often too much for us to bear. We long for someone who can be with us in the midst of this tumult; a lifeline that helps to mitigate the loneliness. Sometimes, though, the platitudes that people offer only further amplify our pain.

I now more deeply understand that what occurs in the outer world often mirrors our own inner worlds. Some have compared the internal processes to the changing of the seasons. I think that this comparison is a helpful way to view how we grow along our respective journeys.

For a “holiday” that emphasizes giving and receiving love, I have found that grief of some kind is often residing in the shadows on and around Valentine’s Day. It is hard not to notice the reams of candy and cards that populate the aisles wherever we go. Sure, there is room joy on this day to celebrate the love we have in and around us. And, I think there should also be room for grief.

Perhaps you’ve arrived at the start of this New Year full of expectancy and hope. Or, perhaps you look out on the year ahead with a sense of heaviness in your heart and mind. Maybe, though, you have a constellation of many parts showing up within you. To get a sense of what is going on within your internal system, I invite you to take a moment and breathe…

We are presented with choices in every moment. Some are more straightforward and use up very little energy, while others are more complex and involve a deeper, focused attention.