There are times in life when we know something needs to change, but we don't yet know what that change looks like. These often prompt us toward questions that bring us to what the poet David Whyte calls the horizon.

Have you ever experienced a physical sensation in your body that defies verbal explanation? I’d invite you to recall a time when this was true for you. The reality is that long before we can cognitively process a stressful event, our nervous system has already mobilized into action, preparing us to fight, flee, freeze, or, in overwhelming situations, shut down and collapse.

If you’ve lived with anxiety at any point in your life, you’ve probably experienced moments where it felt all-encompassing. Your chest tightened. Your temperature increased. Thoughts were racing - you imagined worst-case scenarios and tried to figure out ways to avoid them. Your system was locked into survival mode.

Sometimes, amidst the deluge of content on social media, I discover something that speaks to me on a deeper level and gives me pause.

Before engaging with Francis Weller’s Entering the Healing Ground: The Wild Edge of Sorrow, I was well aware of an intellectual/rational part of my system. I’ve come to learn that this one attempts to logically explain what I am feeling to help me feel more in control. While this can be helpful, it does have its limitations, especially when it comes to navigating grief.

Mental health diagnoses play a powerful role in how we understand ourselves and others. For some, receiving a diagnosis can feel like a light being switched on: “Finally, there’s a name for what I’ve been experiencing.” For others, it can feel restrictive, confusing, or even shameful. Like many tools in mental health care, diagnoses are neither inherently good nor bad – their impact depends on how they’re used, understood, and held.

Grief often amplifies within our systems during the holiday season. From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, grief is not a problem to solve—it is made up of many parts that carry love, loss, and longing. The following prompts gently invite you to meet your grieving parts with compassion and curiosity over the holiday season.

Grief has a holistic impact on our well-being — it touches our emotions, thoughts, behaviours, and physical health. Grief is not a linear journey or a set of stages to complete. It’s an adaptive process that the mind and body move through while learning to live with loss. Understanding what’s happening inside you—and having tangible strategies to support yourself along the journey—can make this experience feel less overwhelming.

There is something undeniably tender about late summer; the golden light, the weight of warm air, the growing awareness that something is ending, even as the world still hums along. As August turns the corner, many of us begin to notice the quiet ache of grieving parts within our systems – some of these may be harder for us to name. They might be cued by the sadness of summer fading, or the anticipation of what's ahead. Or, it could be something even deeper: a mix of personal and global sorrow that feels too much for our systems to hold all at once.

As we navigate our lives, there are always two dynamic forces at play. The first is the relationship we have with our inner world or system (can be used interchangeably). We all have varying degrees of awareness of what the landscape of our inner world looks like, and there are different tools and practices we can access to help deepen our awareness (e.g. Internal Family Systems).

Only through connecting relationally with these emotions (or parts) can they be healed from the often profound sense of disconnection they have experienced at very crucial times in life.

Take a moment to consider what the prospect of saying “No” cues within your system. Perhaps some parts feel uneasy about doing so.

Can you recall a time when you found yourself “getting lost” in something that brought you joy? It could be something simple or something more extravagant. Either way, you most likely felt a little more connected to your sense of Self.

Do you anxiously anticipate the change in seasons from autumn to winter and how it may impact on your system? Do you relish how nature slows down and goes into hibernation in hopeful anticipation of springtime?

What are you noticing within your system as we approach the holiday season? Perhaps there is some anticipation of extended time and space to more intentionally relax and connect with loved ones. There may also be some trepidation about what those relational dynamics may look and feel like. Grief in its many forms can manifest as well. Whatever you notice, before, during and after the season, know that all of it is welcome. You do not have to feel a certain way around the holidays, even though there may be expectations (familial and societal) to do so. You have a choice.

When approaching trauma, it is important to understand that different types require different treatments. Traumas must be addressed according to their specific needs. In your lifetime, you may have experienced a single incident, or acute trauma.

Trauma can be understood as a relational violation – or, put another way - a violation of connection (Frank Anderson).  Seen through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), trauma creates a chasm between our Core Self and parts of our psyche. These parts come into being at the origin of a relational violation/violation of connection.

Sometimes we may think we understand things. But that is the operative word: think. We can read all the books and articles and listen to podcasts and lectures and attend workshops and trainings, but it will still fall short of lived experience. This is the case with grief. Until you have actually experienced a loss, you likely will not fully understand the holistic impact that grief can have on one’s life. 

We all have different understandings of what “fun” means to us. One person may find meaning and enjoyment in a certain hobby or interest, while another may prefer something else entirely. Sometimes we develop new passions for things as we grow along our respective journeys, or we may just stick to what we know. Either way, these things that we consider fun seem to ignite something deeper within our core.

Some of the hallmarks of grief are a sense of chaos, messiness and confusion. It can feel like we are spinning adrift in a sea of painful thoughts and emotions with no discernible signs of rescue. All of them remind us of the loss we have sustained, and their constant chorus is often too much for us to bear. We long for someone who can be with us in the midst of this tumult; a lifeline that helps to mitigate the loneliness. Sometimes, though, the platitudes that people offer only further amplify our pain.