The concept of boundaries has received valid criticisms for encouraging a culture of individualism: after all, we don’t exist as islands; we do need each other. Rooting an exploration of our boundaries in the reality of our interconnectedness can bring balance.

Only through connecting relationally with these emotions (or parts) can they be healed from the often profound sense of disconnection they have experienced at very crucial times in life.

Take a moment to consider what the prospect of saying “No” cues within your system. Perhaps some parts feel uneasy about doing so.

What are you noticing within your system as we approach the holiday season? Perhaps there is some anticipation of extended time and space to more intentionally relax and connect with loved ones. There may also be some trepidation about what those relational dynamics may look and feel like. Grief in its many forms can manifest as well. Whatever you notice, before, during and after the season, know that all of it is welcome. You do not have to feel a certain way around the holidays, even though there may be expectations (familial and societal) to do so. You have a choice.

For a “holiday” that emphasizes giving and receiving love, I have found that grief of some kind is often residing in the shadows on and around Valentine’s Day. It is hard not to notice the reams of candy and cards that populate the aisles wherever we go. Sure, there is room joy on this day to celebrate the love we have in and around us. And, I think there should also be room for grief.