Navigating Change
written by Fran Westwood
Photo by Paul Blenkhorn on Unsplash
Whether navigating shifts in one’s personal life, family or recognizing larger societal shifts, many people may resonate with the famous saying "the only constant is change" (often credited to ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus). Most of us crave stability, and on a deep level register sameness and familiarity as safety. This makes sense because our nervous systems tend to like the familiar. But often what is easily recognizable isn’t healthy, or even if it is, it can’t stay the same forever for a myriad of reasons. So when we realize a change is happening, has been happening for some time, or will happen, we might experience those changes as a form of stress, loss or threat.
For some, change is thrust upon them unwillingly. Others might choose to make radical changes at any point in life, out of the instinct that the old way was no longer working, with a desire to see about new possibilities. For many people, significant relationships will change or end, families might move or reorganize their structure, career paths will diverge or shift entirely. For some, their very belief systems and construction of their identity will transform. Others may recognize that the world around them is evolving in unpredictable ways, and perhaps the environment and society that they grew up in are different than the one their children or grandchildren are now living in.
What does it mean to cope well with these changes? Even if change ultimately brings new growth, any of these transitions can make a person feel as though the foundation of their life is tilting. For some, the road to something better can feel long. Sadness, anger and fear are common emotions that accompany life’s changes. Excitement might be there too, as choices that feel aligned with who a person is feel more possible. No emotion is good or bad; it simply is. Many people will experience more than one emotion at the same time as they navigate the shifting terrain of their lives, and the lives of their loved ones – since witnessing others experiencing change can be destabilizing in its own way.
Many people access therapy when life is either changing or they are desiring change, and want space to process what they’re experiencing. Therapy is one space to make space, name, feel, heal and make space for what is emerging. Others might seek creative outlets, prioritize their physical health or make more space for connection with friends and community.
A few questions that might be helpful places to start are:
How am I feeling in the midst of this change?
What do I need as I experience these emotions? What helps me express them, and what helps me feel grounded in my life right now?
What is unchanging about me and my life (qualities, interests, relationships, places, pets), in the middle of this transition?
While change is inevitably difficult and often involves grieving what is no more, it can engender new growth. Sometimes a person carries their grief with them for the rest of their life, learning how to hold that in a way that feels right for them. For some, what opens up next is beyond what a person could have imagined. Sometimes, out of loss and change, a new kind of stability and clarity emerges. This could be called resilience. Resilience is being honest about how we feel and also learning how to process and find stability during life’s changes. This often leads to a deep groundedness that offers peace, even among the storms.
